YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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