Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Blood and glitter go together right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
