I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
