toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
