Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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