I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
