In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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