I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
