I wish my penis had an off switch
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
