Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
