Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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