y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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