a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
