you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
