Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
