It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
