you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
