like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its not stalking. its research.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You dont lie about slip and slides
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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