so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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