oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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