my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
