That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
...so i touched it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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