So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
