my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I currently don't understand fingers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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