I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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