It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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