You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
