She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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