Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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