Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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