I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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