well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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