Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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