It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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