maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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