She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
