Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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