I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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