Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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