I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
