Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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