Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
