3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
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I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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