phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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