laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
