Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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