Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
