literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
