nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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