I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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