now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its about making memories worth repressing
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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