Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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