The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
