I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
