Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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