So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
