So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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