watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I fill condoms, not promises.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
