when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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