I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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