i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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