I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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