So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
