She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
