He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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