Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
