Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
