Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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