I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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