Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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