we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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