Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just had sex bonerless
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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