dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
