She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't turn off my feet"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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