Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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