I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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