you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
