dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
