Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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