At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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