He kissed a someone with a penis
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
